It's beyond food.

I get excited about my food. I get excited about what I'm going to make for dinner, what I can pack myself for lunch, what recipes I can look up during my day, what cool creations I can throw together, what I'm going to buy at the store that week...

I get excited about my food.

But before, that is, before Whole30, food was my source of comfort. I mean, yeah, it was a lot more to me than comfort, but there was CERTAINLY this emotional dependency on food (read my entire story if you want to get a better idea of how bad it was). The success or failure of my diet became my identity, that's all there really was to me. And honestly, there was DEFINITELY a point in time when I never, ever, ever pictured myself abstaining from treats for more than a week much less 60+ days. 

But today, that changed. 

Today, for the first time in over 60 days, I had my first "treat." Now, remember, "treats" to me used to be my moment of release, freedom, if you will. However, I learned that viewing a moment in time of me eating food (of poor quality and great quantity) that will end up making me sick to my stomach and mentally screwed up is hardly freedom at all; in fact, it isn't. I was nervous of that happening again when I had made the decision to make my treat this time around. But, I knew there was no way it could mess me up like the old treats did. Why? Because I am no longer the person I used to be. It's that simple.

My treat today was homemade ice cream--made of frozen bananas, coconut milk and melted pure dark chocolate drizzled on top. It was heavenly, to say the LEAST! I was giggling with excitement to the point that I wanted to tear up! And I realized that the reason why I was so excited was because the fear I had always had when had when eating a treat, the guilt that always accompanied it, was no more. There was no power over me. I'm in charge and I owned that title for the first time today. I made a treat and I wasn't sinking into a dark hole within a few minutes after eating it. That is huge! In all seriousness, it was incredible to me because for the first time, I ate something out of genuine desire, and not out of help/emotion/stress/therapy/dependency/addiction and was able to walk away after eating it and be truly satisfied, not crying for more.

Again, that is huge.

Before I made my treat, I had a fabulous lunch, grassfed burgers with a piece of plantain on each patty, zucchini slices rubbed in herbs, and sautéed onions and mushrooms. YUM. Absolute YUM.

Then, I made oven-roasted tomatoes from nomnompaleo's recipe. I was thumbing through her cookbook and came to the page with the yummy-looking tomatoes, and decided to make it on the fly today with my local, fresh plum tomatoes. :) Yay, local. The only difference was that I used a mix of Italian Seasoning that contains basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme, etc. as well as garlic powder. She says she uses basil or thyme, but any combination of spices like this will work. In three words...

They. were. spectacular.

Oh. my. gosh.

Okay, so 6 words.

To wrap this up, I named this post "It's beyond food" because I'm happy to say that this freedom I am talking about that I experienced while preparing/eating my treat, is the same freedom I feel in knowing that the reason why I'm so healthy, and doing so well are for reasons beyond just food.

Of course, food plays the foundation of all things (to quote Melissa and Dallas Hartwig, It Starts With Food, as in, everything starts with food). But, there are a ton of other reasons why I'm feeling at my best, more than I ever have before...balance. It's a balance between my recovery, my exercise, my temperance, my play, my sleep, my personal growth...And yes, of course there is a ton of room for growth because I'm not perfect (as you read my downcast-oh-my-soul post previously). But, I know that I'm happy with who I am because I am, for the first time, understanding what it means to love myself beyond having the perfect plate of food, but genuinely taking care of myself with other factors of life that mean just as much as nutrition.

Wow, this has been quite the insightful weekend. 

It's Happy Easter everyday, not just this weekend. You know why? Because Jesus died and rose again for this freedom that I'm speaking about. It might not mean much to you, but if there is anything you must understand in life, it is that food holds great, great power...to heal or to destroy (well, those kinds of foods aren't even considered food, but you get it). I lived enslaved to food my whole life and that reality honestly has become a social norm in our world today. So many don't see the issue with the food on their plate, the American food industry, bla bla bla. It's funny because if you are deciding to be healthy, you get looks from people, but nobody bats an eyelash when you stuff yourself with beer and pizza every night. Jesus died for that too. Jesus died for people like me who felt like they had no hope for change. And to bring freedom into the world, He rose again. God cares about my story. If he didn't care, Jesus wouldn't have rose again to bring that freedom, that grace, that love back into the world. 

And although I fail Him daily, I do know that my freedom that I'm telling you about today is because of Him. Not because of Whole30, because Whole30 is a tool, an instrumental branch in God's mighty orchestra that God used as an avenue to reach me down in my pit of despair. 

That being said, please enjoy these collages of my fun this weekend, where freedom lives.

Food.

Temperance.