Challenged by my idols

I once saw a post on my Instagram saying, "The greatest tragedy of all is to have lived and died without knowing how good the body was designed to feel." And of course, in the background of this text, you see the sweaty, chiseled back of a tall, muscular blonde girl pressing the barbell overhead. 

I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.

I mean, I watch people day in and day out have trouble walking from their cars to the door of the grocery store…I see doctors and nurses struggling to fit into their scrubs because they’re too overweight…I can’t help but wonder how uncomfortable, how discouraged, how unhappy they must feel.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not judging, I’m not criticizing. In fact, I’m very defensive of this topic because of the way people generally judge “fat people” claiming that it’s all their fault. Don’t even get me started with that, because that will have to be a separate post altogether for that rant (soon to come).

No, today, my heart is left wondering about how much emphasis is placed on the temporary, but not on the eternal.

I publicly admit right here on my blog/journal that Crossfit, paleo, Whole30, the body itself are my idols. I place them before Christ. I would jump to go do a Crossfit workout before I would jump to go to Bible study. I would spend hours in the kitchen cooking/recipe browsing before I would go have some quiet time with Jesus.

Why is that? Why do I do this? Why?!

I’m really happy Paul said, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate” (Romans 7:15, NLT).

Another post I saw on my Instagram said it best, “The greatest tragedy would be to become so fit in this life and die being unfit for the King.” Talk about being challenged beyond words. My heart is guilty, super guilty.

It’s like I’m caught in-between these worlds—one world presenting so many demands to my time and the other world presenting how wrong I am to not spend enough time on the things that count the most. Now, don’t get my wrong, I know that Jesus has placed these passions that I’ve named on my heart for a reason. If there has been anything I’ve ever been more sure of, it’s what I know I am meant to do in this life and I know I’m right where I belong—being a coach, a mentor, a friend for those who are enslaved to their ideas of what health really is and letting food rule their life. I’ve spent my whole life getting it wrong, and trying to figure out how to exercise, how to live properly with my body, and how to eat. Now, I know the truth and know freedom personally. All I want to do is share it so others can experience it too.

But…perhaps too much focus on my passions, too much time being spent on these things isn’t a good thing. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, right? I just don’t know how to make that change. So much of my identity itself is caught up in my passions that I don’t know how to find my identity in Christ, where it really should be found.

I’m guilty of wanting to spend so much of my time pouring over learning how to develop myself surround all the temporary things in life (but still matter), but then have a fruitless tree over in my Jesus garden. That’s not good. That’s not good at all.

I see the need, but honestly, I’m such a Paul…I hate that I don’t get it right and don’t know how to get it right.