That one time at the Paleo Conference in Austin, TX...

So, in honor of "Throwback Thursday," even though I don't do that, like ever, I decided to post (almost one year later, haha) some of my favorite highlights from the 2015 Paleo f(x) Conference in Austin, TX my mom and I went to. 

This trip was amazing for like 400 different reasons, but a lot of them revolve around how many awesome memories my mom and I have from being able to go to this new place together and explore this fantastic city. I don't think we've ever had a "mother-daughter trip" before this one, and it was in honor of me getting to go and meet the people who helped shape my health for what it is today. 

We had so many awesome moments in and out of this conference. I learned about myself, about my mom, about eating real food for the rest of my life...it really got emotional at some points. Then, there was some adventure at other points, like when I jumped into a freezing fresh water spring (Barton Springs Pool). Or, when we went driving for God knows how long trying to find the Reebok Outlet store to find my mom a pair of CrossFit Nanos. Or, when we drove to this yummy Mexican restaurant, Abuelo's, then went to this grass-fed cow dairy ice cream parlor place called Lick, combined with the awesome pumpkin spice lattes we had earlier in the day from Picnik (another awesome grass-fed cow dairy/paleo-friendly place)....yeah, we had to pull over on the way home in a Target parking lot so I could puke for about 20 minutes. Then, again in the hotel parking lot...then again in the hotel room....that was fun. 

But hey, still an awesome trip with such unforgettable memories. 

Let me recap the conference "gurus"...

 Meeting Melissa and Dallas Hartwig of the Whole30 Program was just an unbelievable dream come true. I would have to say that above every other "guru" of the health world, their program made the most impacting and lasting change for my life. If you've read my earlier blog posts, you can see a letter I wrote to Melissa Hartwig explaining how much of an impact Whole30 has had on my life AND I got to give her that letter face-to-face at this conference! 

And of course...I cried like a dork when I gave her the letter, and she teared up too. Yay for us. :)

My super nerd face is showing, and I love it!

Hopdoddy Burgers....let's just say there's a reason why the line wraps around the building every single night. DEFINITELY going back there. 

Robb Wolf--the man that started it all. Robb was the first Paleo "guru" I ever heard of when I came to this "eat real food" world. He's a genius and has an extensive background in exercise science, but the most important points that I live by from his research when it comes to my fitness and health are these: a) How do I look? b) How do I feel? c) How do I perform? 

The answer to these questions determines if I'm healthy or not...not a body fat percentage or number on the scale. 

George Bryant of the Civilized Caveman blog. Love his attitude, his outlook on life, and his energetic love for eating well. 

 Melissa Joulwan, author of the cookbooks Well Fed and Well Fed 2.

Awesome woman, like...awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome woman. I came to this conference looking for more knowledge on how to continue living a paleo lifestyle and not only did I gain knowledge on how to do that, but I somehow also realized I subconsciously went looking for validation from these "gurus." It's like I went wanting them to pat me on the back and tell me they're proud of the changes I've made in the past 2 years. Once I realized that, it was Melissa that helped me understand that if I don't love every step of figuring out this journey, including the not-so-hot moments, none of this will last. 

The famous spray-painted words on the outside wall of Jo's Coffeeshop. Perfect photo-op. 

MICHELLE TAM! of Nom Nom Paleo (one of the best paleo blogs and cookbooks EVER). Again, one of the first people I ever started following for this paleo lifestyle and has made me love food even more...real food that is. :)

Mark Sisson, author of the Primal Blueprint, and creator of the primal blog, Mark's Daily Apple.  

He taught me that Paleo is not a religion. It's supposed to be something that enhances your life, not stresses it out more. So figure out what works for you and stick with that unless it changes, again, and move on accordingly. Not everything has to be a cookie-cutter template and maybe, just maybe, it's okay to have the Justin's dark chocolate peanut butter cup on a day that's not your treat meal.....

I want to be the weakest me ever.

I have this workout journal that I use to log my workouts every day, and at the top of each page, there's always some motivating quote. When I was thumbing through it a few days ago, I came across one that stayed with me: "Never let your lack of strength be mistaken for weakness."

A bit puzzling isn't it?

I mean, in the line of work I do (a.k.a Crossfit), performance is everything; it's a performance-based sport. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Perform? Be the best we can be by exhibiting strength we never thought we were capable of?

But that's not necessarily the entire equation, or definition, of what strength actually is. Not being able to perform in this sport as prescribed by the workout of the day has nothing to do with my strength. I may lack the physical strength to perform a 300# deadlift, but you can bet that I am strong and fully empowered in heart. And I'll keep working until my deadlift is 305#. The strong in heart is the one that always comes out on top.

But sometimes, it's not always that simple...

This past Saturday morning, I did the following workout:

15 min. AMRAP of:

7 95# Push Presses
10 95# Overhead Squats
25 Sit-ups

That. Was. Heavy.

That. Hurt. A lot.

I am definitely not used to doing that kind of weight. And my coach told me before I started that he's not looking for me to complete a bunch of rounds, because the weight is heavier this time. I heard him, but not fully, because once the clock went off, and I felt that heaviness, I was challenged to a whole new level. Everything that I was feeling emotionally inside that had been there from all the various situations in my life came to the forefront. I completed 3 rounds + 3 reps, and crashed on the floor with a heavy lump in my throat from tears.

Why?

Honestly, I really don't know.

Whether we realize it or not, we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations every single day. We're conditioned to believe that we always have to be more. Just more. You got your first pull-up? Awesome! Now do 10 in a row. You lost 8 pounds? Way to go! Now lose 8 more.

If you were a coach, would you ever talk to a client like this? Absolutely not. So, what's the difference in talking to a client and talking to yourself? How come we are able to place ridiculous expectations on ourselves thinking that's normal, but we know that would be ludicrous to speak to someone else like that....

There is NEVER any satisfaction of celebrating the milestones. There is NEVER a moment where you can just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're happy with where you are while you're working for what you want. Never. There is always more to be worked on. And in the moment of lifting that 95#, I wasn't thinking about the fact that I'm lifting a weight that used to be impossible for me (as in, I couldn't get that bar up at all at one point in my life). I wasn't thinking about the fact that I was doing all 10 reps of those overhead squats in a row without putting the bar down. No. I was too busy thinking about how I just longed to be more than I already am.

But you know what?

Funny enough, Jesus says something completely different. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Jesus wants me to be weak. He actually doesn't want me to be strong. That's hard to swallow, because I've been told to be strong my whole life. But, I must say, nothing has ever ended well when I've relied on my own strength, or understanding. The world says to be more, but I have a God that doesn't care about how "perfect" I am. He doesn't care about my ability or inability to perform in and outside of the gym, in life, in my kitchen, anywhere...he loves me with an unwavering devotion for just simply being, not because I had to earn it or deserve it, work for it, and fear losing it...nope. Again, that's hard to swallow. But man....God, thank You for this kind of freedom.

It's been my heart's prayer that I can bring my performance anxiety (my stressful pressure from myself to be perfect in all things) to Jesus every day, multiple times a day, and one day, truly feel that freedom in my heart of hearts.

Jesus loves the fact that I am strong in heart, and even physically strong. He blessed me with that ability. But, more than anything, he wants my broken, contrite, weak heart in every area that I've left untouched.

It's funny because I work day in and day out to become stronger, and at the same time, also make sure I remain the weakest me ever so I can allow Jesus to remain that Rock I need in my life, because God only knows I can't and never will be able to rescue myself. Thank God for grace, and the fact that God doesn't place the same expectations that I place on myself too often.